Never Too Young To Rebel

My relationship with my 14-month-old granddaughter Addison entered into a new plane today.  And I do not like it.  Babies are not born innocent the way we like to pretend they are.  Oh sure when they first arrive  they are tiny-- very easy to manipulate and control.  We dress them the way we want putting hair bows and what-not on them.  We hold them when we want for the most part.  Their demands are simple:  feed me, burp me, change me and let me sleep.  

The day Addison turned a year old I noticed a difference in her attitude.  It seemed she instantly developed a self-centered awareness coupled with a seed of defiance.  It was cute on her birthday.  And even cute since then.  After all, it is not my problem--it's her mom's and dad's place to correct her rebelliousness.

But today, that all changed.  You see I keep Addison Mondays-Fridays while my son and his wife work and I love it.  It's like I had a hidden calling in my heart that didn't become evident until she was born.  Today, both our hearts broke.  

She has a room at our house, with a bed and her toys, a chest-of-drawers with some clothes in it--her stuff.  And she knows it.  There is also a treadmill in this room which is not hers--and she knows it.  Even though it is unplugged, she is not allowed to play on it.  But today, she decided since it was in her room, it must be hers.  I walked into the room and she was standing on like she was about to start a 5K.  

"Addison, you know better," I said as I scooted her little bottom off the treadmill back to her side of the room to play with her toys.  

Ninety seconds later she was standing back on the treadmill.  When I saw her I remembered her middle name.

"Addison Elizabeth Haddox!  Did you hear what Bubbe said?"  I scooted her off and this time patted her leg for good measure.  She laughed.  Then she pointed her two inch long finger at me and shook it saying something that it is probably best I couldn't understand.  "Do not be a bad girl," I added not exactly sure what  the best course of action was.  After all, I wasn't sure what she had said.

Now with my son, at this age, I would have already beaten him and went about my business.   It is very different with grandkids. You want to pretend their motives are pure and innocent in every situation.  As I scratched my head wondering if I was getting my point across, I looked up and she was on the treadmill.

"Addison get off the treadmill," I commanded firmly in the most authoritative voice  as I looked down at her.  She didn't budge, but instead gave me a look that would put most teenage girls to shame.  She was dripping with defiance and it was obvious in her eyes that she was not giving in.  I repeated myself not wavering from my position as the Bubbe.  

However, instead of getting down off the treadmill she turned her little back to me and stood there.  I couldn't believe it.  I calmly walked over and turned her around and swatted her diaper five times --which I can promise you hurt me more than her.

I had made my point.  She cried heartfelt tears.  And so did I.  

We are all naturally rebellious.  We do not have to teach our kids how to be bad--it comes naturally.  We are born in to a greasy sin nature and Addison's countenance today reminded me of mankind's helplessness.  Without Christ's intervention at the cross we would be stuck in that state, with no future.  

He provided us with the sacrifice required to redeem us from that pit by leaving his throne in Heaven, living a sinless life and willingly suffering and dying, shedding his blood.  And then he kicked death in the teeth when God resurrected him from the grave.

All because of love.  He loves us.  And if you believe, trust and repent and follow you are counted among the redeemed.

But sometimes, we believers act like we do not belong to him turning away, rebelling.  We desire what we want and we do not care what God thinks.  Kinda like Addison wanting on the treadmill, not caring what I thought.  In such cases, a little swat on our diapers will be in order.  Scripture tells us God chastens the ones he loves.  God is more concerned with our character than our flesh.  

My prayer for Addison is for God to capture her heart and make her his own.  That she will learn right from wrong and fall in love with right.  And that she follow Jesus where ever he leads her.

My prayer for me is the same.

I love it when God speaks VERY CLEARLY to me because when He doesn't, I have a tendency to act out of my own pitiful motivations--pride, selfishness, jealously, personal glory or gain.  When He tells me what to do, then I know it is out of obedience I act--when I actually obey.

Last January, I felt I was being led to do a Daniel Fast with a sister church in the area.  I had observed one of my best friends do it the year before and saw the impact it made on her spiritual walk with God.  So I set out on going 21 days with only vegetables, fruit and water designed after Daniel when he declined the king's delicacies in lieu of a died of only vegetables, fruit and water--what he normally ate. (Daniel 1:5-15)

This is not an unhealthy way to eat normally.  In fact, it is very healthy.  Calling it a fast is misleading.  Most of my meals consisted of still way more food that the average poverty-stricken person or third-world country plate holds.  Still we called it a fast.

It was one of the hardest things I have ever done.  Headaches, fatigue, cravings were some of the battles during the fast.  However the physical issues were well worth the growth and closeness I experienced with God.  And before 2011 ended, I began to think upon and pray about doing it again to start  2012.
Although I really needed a personal revival and wanted the benefits of doing the fast, I was not very committed to the discipline it takes.

Then Bro. Mark announced that the church would be called into a fast.  Not just our local church, but churches across the state.  Confirmation.  I would do the fast.

The hardest part is the lack of caffeine because you get really bad headaches.  But I had already decreased my caffeine intake tremendously so I didn't experience much of that this time.  However, the cravings have kicked my tail.

My family knows that I have no will power when it comes to cake.  I love cake.  Wedding cake, birthday cake, carrot cake, Italian creme cake--any cake.  But especially chocolate cake with chocolate icing.  I can push my face in the middle of a chocolate cake with chocolate icing and suck back to inhale the whole thing.  I love chocolate cake with chocolate icing.

On Sundays, I usually cook a lunch for my family to come and eat after church so we can visit  and dissect the sermon.   I didn't want to not cook because there are only two us in my family doing a food fast for 21 days, everyone else is fasting from what they feel God told them to fast from--TV, Facebook--whatever.

I could smell it when I walked into the kitchen.

So I made chicken salad last Saturday night and put out all the trimmings for Sunday's lunch.  Usually someone brings drinks and desserts.  Today my sweet daughter-in-law brought chocolate cake with chocolate icing (even now--my mouth is watering).  I watched as most everyone cut themselves a piece of cake and rolled their eyes back in Heavenly bliss.  I just quietly and ate my baby carrots.

It wasn't until everyone had left that I realized there was a little more than half of the chocolate cake with chocolate icing left.  I could smell it when I walked into the kitchen.  I looked at it and it looked so good.  Normally, I would eat all that was left--no problem.  I would just pick up the plate and a fork and go at it. Which, by the way, is gluttony.  And gluttony is every bit as much a sin as drunkenness, adultery, gossip, thievery and murder in God's eyes.  Gluttony will as surely lead to death as drug abuse.  But it is the only sin that the church openly condones.  Eatin' meetings = church sanctioned gluttony.

I could not believe how much I desired the cake.  I was strongly drawn physically and emotionally to toss this fast and binge on the cake.  I listened intently for God to say, "Okay--you have gone a week, go ahead and end this fast and eat the cake."

But he didn't.  What he said was, "Wow, I wish you desired me the way you are lusting for that cake."  I still feel the sting of that slap in the face.

The thing is this--chocolate cake with chocolate icing is a trivial thing.  But it is the trivial things that are coming between us and an intimate relationship with Jesus, our savior, our Lord.  My eyes are opened and I looked around my house, my world and my life and saw myriads of trivial things like army ants crawling into my relationship with Jesus.  I want to desire God more than chocolate cake with chocolate icing.  More than physical pleasures.  More than human relationships.  I want my relationship with Jesus to be so intimate that I know His scent and it draws me physically and emotionally and spiritually to Him.