I love it when God speaks VERY CLEARLY to me because when He doesn't, I have a tendency to act out of my own pitiful motivations--pride, selfishness, jealously, personal glory or gain.  When He tells me what to do, then I know it is out of obedience I act--when I actually obey.

Last January, I felt I was being led to do a Daniel Fast with a sister church in the area.  I had observed one of my best friends do it the year before and saw the impact it made on her spiritual walk with God.  So I set out on going 21 days with only vegetables, fruit and water designed after Daniel when he declined the king's delicacies in lieu of a died of only vegetables, fruit and water--what he normally ate. (Daniel 1:5-15)

This is not an unhealthy way to eat normally.  In fact, it is very healthy.  Calling it a fast is misleading.  Most of my meals consisted of still way more food that the average poverty-stricken person or third-world country plate holds.  Still we called it a fast.

It was one of the hardest things I have ever done.  Headaches, fatigue, cravings were some of the battles during the fast.  However the physical issues were well worth the growth and closeness I experienced with God.  And before 2011 ended, I began to think upon and pray about doing it again to start  2012.
Although I really needed a personal revival and wanted the benefits of doing the fast, I was not very committed to the discipline it takes.

Then Bro. Mark announced that the church would be called into a fast.  Not just our local church, but churches across the state.  Confirmation.  I would do the fast.

The hardest part is the lack of caffeine because you get really bad headaches.  But I had already decreased my caffeine intake tremendously so I didn't experience much of that this time.  However, the cravings have kicked my tail.

My family knows that I have no will power when it comes to cake.  I love cake.  Wedding cake, birthday cake, carrot cake, Italian creme cake--any cake.  But especially chocolate cake with chocolate icing.  I can push my face in the middle of a chocolate cake with chocolate icing and suck back to inhale the whole thing.  I love chocolate cake with chocolate icing.

On Sundays, I usually cook a lunch for my family to come and eat after church so we can visit  and dissect the sermon.   I didn't want to not cook because there are only two us in my family doing a food fast for 21 days, everyone else is fasting from what they feel God told them to fast from--TV, Facebook--whatever.

I could smell it when I walked into the kitchen.

So I made chicken salad last Saturday night and put out all the trimmings for Sunday's lunch.  Usually someone brings drinks and desserts.  Today my sweet daughter-in-law brought chocolate cake with chocolate icing (even now--my mouth is watering).  I watched as most everyone cut themselves a piece of cake and rolled their eyes back in Heavenly bliss.  I just quietly and ate my baby carrots.

It wasn't until everyone had left that I realized there was a little more than half of the chocolate cake with chocolate icing left.  I could smell it when I walked into the kitchen.  I looked at it and it looked so good.  Normally, I would eat all that was left--no problem.  I would just pick up the plate and a fork and go at it. Which, by the way, is gluttony.  And gluttony is every bit as much a sin as drunkenness, adultery, gossip, thievery and murder in God's eyes.  Gluttony will as surely lead to death as drug abuse.  But it is the only sin that the church openly condones.  Eatin' meetings = church sanctioned gluttony.

I could not believe how much I desired the cake.  I was strongly drawn physically and emotionally to toss this fast and binge on the cake.  I listened intently for God to say, "Okay--you have gone a week, go ahead and end this fast and eat the cake."

But he didn't.  What he said was, "Wow, I wish you desired me the way you are lusting for that cake."  I still feel the sting of that slap in the face.

The thing is this--chocolate cake with chocolate icing is a trivial thing.  But it is the trivial things that are coming between us and an intimate relationship with Jesus, our savior, our Lord.  My eyes are opened and I looked around my house, my world and my life and saw myriads of trivial things like army ants crawling into my relationship with Jesus.  I want to desire God more than chocolate cake with chocolate icing.  More than physical pleasures.  More than human relationships.  I want my relationship with Jesus to be so intimate that I know His scent and it draws me physically and emotionally and spiritually to Him.